this beer tastes like vomit already
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
