Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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