why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
