Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
