I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
