Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Where is the hickey?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
