OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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