so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
