i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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