it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
