He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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