hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
