i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
