I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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