We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
