I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
