Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
