They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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