Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
