What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
