I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want her autograph on my taint
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
