I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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