you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we're making bets on your personal life
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize