He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
