Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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