I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
