You just made me feel so damn special
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
This toilet bowl is my home.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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