You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We have started to decorate penises.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
