Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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