went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i dont even know how to be here
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
