fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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