Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
