Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
