my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
