Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
