So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
