Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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