uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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