i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
