Swine flu is the new snow day.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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