am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
