Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
