How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
