If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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