shes about as inviting as chlamydia
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
