there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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