Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize