remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize