he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize