I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
