good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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