You smell like stripper and shame
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
