Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
