Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
