I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
