we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
