I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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