i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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