the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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