i was rollin on her like bob the builder
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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