Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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