Sry I called you an 8
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
