i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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