I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
