So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
be right there i have to get my cape
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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