I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
