Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
