Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
