there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
